As I walk through the hallways, I start seeing more and more trends in teenage relationships. It’s ridiculous how much one person can affect another. Frequently, people let their significant other impact them to an unhealthy extent.
Loosely defined, codependency is pertaining to a relationship in which one person is psychologically addicted. Codependency is possible when a young student finds someone to rely on for their satisfaction.
According to the Mayo Clinic, signs of codependency often include controlling behavior, perfectionism, mistrust of others and excessive caretaking of others.
Let’s be honest, not many of us have an idea of who we are right now. People obviously change and oftentimes, that change doesn’t resonate well with their companion. The way I see it, we need to know ourselves first before we can enter a serious relationship.
School psychologist John Markovich said friends can play a role in unhealthy teenage relationships.
“Sometimes the involvement of the friend group [can be unhealthy]. If someone says something bad about the girlfriend or boyfriend, it can blow up into issues and drama,” Markovich said.
At this fragile, impressionable age, codependency seems hard to avoid. The Mayo Clinic says that people with codependent personalities often do not feel lovable – they feel alone.
The thought of a relationship can seemingly linger somewhere in the depths of our mind. Honestly, how can it not? Couples can be absurd with their public display of “love” and affection. It’s hanging right in front of our faces every day, especially when rather amorous couples are making out in front of our locker.
We find refuge in our fickle, short-lived relationships because of the sense of security it gives us. The Mayo Clinic has found that codependent people live their life according to the needs of other people, so in result, they never really have a chance to be independent or feel worthy.
Some high school relationships will make it past this awkward time of life to a wonderful marriage. It can just be quite difficult to distinguish the fakes from the real deal. It’s hard to tell if someone’s intentions are plausible, especially in this modernized, technological world where a substantial amount of our communication isn’t even in person. Any guy can text six girls at one time and make them all feel like the most relevant, gorgeous girl in the county. This is why taking it slow is underrated these days; get to know somebody so you can actually trust them. Well, getting to know someone can be quite tedious. So I express my opinion once again, before one can do this, they must truly get to know themselves.
High school relationships are a difficult concept to grasp for many reasons. The most evident reason is that we don’t even know who we are yet. We’re still working on developing the skills and acquiring experience to mature as productive members of society.
“Personally, I think [relationships] are pointless, but I think people can learn about themselves more through relationships,” senior Denitza Koleva said.
Despite how pointless they can seem, no one can genuinely say that they have never been affected negatively by a break up. At any age, a break up can prove detrimental. That it’s apparent. If one legitimately cares about another and begins to rely on them, their presence can easily become taken for granted. Nothing is forever and many relationships usually follow suit, so what is taken for granted can dissolve without a moment’s notice. We are all constantly changing; some rash, impulsive decisions are often made when it comes to relationships. Then the other half of the partnership is left with the shattered pieces. So why do we set ourselves up for this heartbreak? We all want to be loved. Despite the happiness we can easily receive from our partners, it can just as easily be taken away in an instant.
So I reiterate my opinion to myself and anyone asking for relationship advice. First and most importantly, never ever depend upon someone else for your own happiness- that is what leads to codependency. No one should ever let someone else’s mood dictate their own. As hard as it is to accept, anything can happen and you can lose anyone at any time.
Koleva, who is strong and independent, does what she wants, when she wants; she isn’t about to be controlled by anyone else. Codependency can often entail many things, control being the most frightening. We all need to give our partner some space to breathe and live their lives. If you commit to someone, you should be alright with letting them do their own thing. Senior Jordan Phillips, who has been dating senior Trevor Storck for more than three years, believes the line between caring and controlling is crossed when the other tries to tell them what to do.
Despite my intensifying of the negatives for effect, relationships can be a wholesome, rewarding, wonderful experience. For example, Phillips and Storck got to know each other well because they have always been good friends. They have a healthy relationship because they do not try to control each other and most importantly, are always honest. It is nice to have someone to confide in, trust, talk to way too much, hug, kiss and even worry about unconditionally. If handled responsibly, a significant other can make you feel emotions that are simply intoxicating and unexplainable. Phillips explains that she still hangs out with her friends a lot, and that is why she’s not codependent. Nothing can parallel to the feeling of love, or our own idea of it.
However, one thing I do not think enough people understand is that self-love is essential before you can love anyone else. How can one expect someone to love them when they hate themselves? It’s a fruitless endeavor to attempt to make someone feel loved that already has their heart set on being worthless. Happiness comes from within; no one can make anyone feel anything without permission. We are the only person that can control our feelings, thoughts and ultimately, our decisions. Once becoming independently happy and getting a firm sense of self, then we’re ready to step into someone else’s life as their better half.