Is it okay to not have a friend group?

     This is something that I think about a lot when I go throughout my day. I am a person who hasn’t had a friend group for a long time. I used to have a friend group when I went to a public school in Schaumburg, and it was amazing even though I was considered the “newbie” since everyone grew up with each other and I had just moved there.

     We would stay at the school once the bell rang and just hang out mainly because our parents couldn’t pick us up right away since they had to work, so we had to stay in an after-school program. Even though we had to sit there for a few hours, we would do homework together and make inside jokes. Sometimes we would walk around the school and do things we weren’t technically supposed to be doing, like going into the teacher’s lounge and eating sugar packets or playing around with the walkie-talkies that the counselors had. We were definitely the troublemakers, even though the counselors who watched over us loved us the most. That was mostly because we were the older kids of the group, so they gave us some more slack.

     Since I left that stage of my life, I haven’t been able to keep in touch with them since I wasn’t able to have any phone numbers beside my parents’ at the time (bummer right?). Currently, I have a few friends here and there, but the relationships between us all are very different. We are all wild in our own ways, but I could never truly see us able to form an actual friend group. I think it would be too weird.  

     Sometimes when I am walking the halls in school or hear some of my friends talking about their friend group, I can’t help but feel a little jealous. I start to wonder, Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t I get to have a friend group, but everyone else does? Then all my tiny insecurities become large ones that cause me to go into a numb state about the whole situation. I either start to just not feel anything but just have a consistent pang of sadness, or I just start to get caught in a pit of negativity since I start to blame myself. 

     I am a person who probably overthinks every possible little thing known to mankind. So, naturally, when I see people walking around with their friend groups, my life starts to feel weird. I start to think that maybe people have all these friend groups and I don’t because I’m just not friend group material. But sometimes I do start to think that maybe something is wrong with me. I didn’t grow up with anyone since I moved to my current district in sixth grade. I always feel that I am the only one who doesn’t have a friend group since nearly everyone I know has one because they all grew up with each other. 

     But my best friend told me something that I will never forget. If you don’t have a friend group, it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person. It just means that it’s not the right time. You don’t need to care about the quantity of the friendships but the quality. 

     Quality is the most important aspect of a friendship. If you don’t have the connections to your friends that are full of honesty and love and every other little thing you think of when you hear the word “friend”, then is it a friendship?

     I know that some might disagree with the whole quality part of a friendship since it might sound cliche. Some of you might just care about being able to have fun in and outside of school. But you don’t truly need to have a large group to have fun. You could just have one friend and still have the best of times. It just depends on if you want to make it fun. You can still do all the things that friend groups do. It’s just that you can do it with one person and form a stronger bond if that is truly what you are wanting to do. 

     After all this said, I want you to think about this. If we go throughout our lives comparing ourselves to others, then are we truly living in happiness, or are we living in envy? 

     Not having a friend group is something that I understand. I have been in friend groups and individual friendships throughout my life since I have moved around six times. But if you truly want a friend group, then go ahead. Try it out! It might be an experience that you would love since it sort of reminds me of a mini family. A friend group is something amazing to watch since you get to see everyone get along and everyone become friends with one another. 

     Is it okay to not have one? I think that it is something that I will always say yes to. I value quality more than quantity. The best memories you make don’t always need to be connected to a group. But it is always something for you to decide at the end of the day.