One of the six fundamental human needs for survival is certainty – a key piece in the puzzle as to why we as people tend to hold on to the past and dislike change. Holding on to the past, though, has grave implications on both the present and the future. The stability we cling to is a lot more comfortable than opening ourselves up to growth, however having an open mind will result in peace about your past.
Being stuck in our old ways can mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people. Some cannot let go of a habit they know is not good for them, while others cannot let go of a person who is hurting them. Sitting complacent in these situations will only lead to more hurt. Focusing too much on what has already happened takes away from our limited time and energy and forces us to stress about situations we cannot change. This can lead to self-sabotage, such as in relationships, which can manifest into bringing up conflicts that have already been resolved. This pattern can create a serious strain and prevent healing for both parties, leading to potentially detrimental effects on the relationship.
On top of that, clinging to past trauma can have physical and mental health effects as well. The activation of the amygdala and stress hormones as a result can create feelings of sadness, irritability and numbness. It may also cause headaches, stomach problems and nausea.
This mindset doesn’t just take away from our ability to enjoy the present, but it also inhibits our opportunities to grow and change. You are unable to embrace new perspectives and experiences if you do not open your mind to new ideas. Additionally, a rigid mind may distort the way you view the present, preventing you from making clear and informed decisions that can also change future experiences. Focusing on the past may blind someone from the path ahead of them.
Having strong regrets about your past will hold you back from growing from it. Without acknowledging the mistakes you have made in the past, it is impossible to fully reflect and, in turn, learn from them.
Fully acknowledging and accepting your past can allow you to give yourself the opportunity to change. It is impossible to alter the past, so there is no use wasting time and energy trying to. Instead, time and energy should be put into working on forgiveness, whether that means forgiving yourself or others, and letting go of grudges.
Another alternative to dwelling on the past is focusing on how you can improve your life in the present. This may mean creating new habits, like going to the gym or working on improving your current relationships. Leaning on trusted people in your life and developing a strong support system are other important pieces to help you grow from the past.
The past is a powerful thing; it can and often does determine our behavior in various aspects of our life. Allowing it to control you and your life, though, will have detrimental effects, and it is important to do as much as possible to limit this. Acceptance of the past and focusing on the present can allow you to use the past to grow and change instead of holding you back.
